Harry Potter Twisted
by Rogue Pheonix
Summary: Harry has had his share of events, but what happens when we add a few more characters into the story? Malfoy is obsessed, with the new girl Steph, Dean Winn stands in his way... And all hell breaks loose before he can get his girl... Please R.A.R!
1. Chapter 1 Love Triangle

**CHAPTER ONE: LOVE TRIANGLE**

It was a cold winter's night, rain lashing the windows of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, creating howling noises through cracks in the woodwork. Dumbledore sat in the Great Hall, looking ridiculously regal with treacle tart in his beard. Draco Malfoy sat at the Slytherine table, drooling over the new girl, Stephanie, who was flirting with the 17 year old Gryffindor Quiddich captain, Dean Winn. He remembered a previous summer fling, which resulted in him having a glass of butter beer in his face. He blamed it all on Stephanie – she didn't want to go on anymore. She was happy the way they were. He regretted his last words. "A good scre- -" before she threw it at him. He had a black eye for weeks, too. Bloody women!

Harry entered the dungeons earlier than usual. As he rounded the corner, he almost walked into an infatuated Draco staring dumfoundedly at Stephanie and Dean playing tonsil hockey. Claire strode in, quickly nipping Harry on the arse before sliding into her seat. She flashed a smile and Harry blushed. Draco glanced over at Harry with a sneer, Ron and Hermione slipped in as Snape strode into the dungeons. The door clanged shut and Snape whipped around, hair in his face. As Snape was carefully removing it with his pinkie finger, Ron sniggered.

"I bet he uses conditioner in his hair! Hairspray too!" he smirked.

"Ssh" Muttered Hermione. "He'll hear you."

Ron turned to the front of the class, muttering darkly. He couldn't wait until the end of class!

An hour later a bewildered Harry and the rest of the bored class came walking hypnotically out of the dungeons. Harry was clutching a piece of parchment, glancing every so often at Claire, who had a hint of a smirk on her face. Ron kept glancing at Harry, who in turn jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow. They reached the Fat Lady, Hermione long gone to the library.

"Password?" she drawled, half closing her eyes making her look drunk. (Mind you there was a shot glass and a bottle of rum crudely hidden in the bushes behind her.)

"Lil' Dean Rapers."

The Fat Lady sighed and swung open, revealing the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Tell me what it says!" said Ron, hopping from foot to foot like an exited schoolchild. Neville came striding in, and cast an interested ear. Harry muttered something unrecognizable and handed the parchment to Ron. Ron opened it and read. He handed the parchment back to Harry before collapsing into a fit of laughter.

"Love...you!" he gasped in between breaths. Harry sat down on the nearest armchair continuously glowering at Ron.

Malfoy sat in the library, pulling the feathers of his quill apart. Crabbe and Goyle were in the Great Hall, fighting over the last pink cupcake, so he was left in peace to continue drooling over Steph. Unknown to him, she had become aware of this through the week, and acted more flirtatiously than ever. He was trying to concentrate on her, but a nagging voice at the back of his head told him he should be going on with his potions homework. He slammed the book down, and in turn, received a clip to the air from the library lady. She had become increasingly difficult - no-one could be quiet in her library, and she was becoming depressed – and drunk. Malfoy bent his head, listening to Stephanie's voice. He imagined his lips on those, his eyes melting into hers, his hands traveling up her... The thump of a chair brought him back to his senses. Crabbe sat down beside him, his pug nose heavily bleeding.

"Where's Goyle?" asked Malfoy.

"Oh, he stole the cupcake out of my mouth so I threw him from the second floor window." He replied. Malfoy rolled his eyes and fiddled with his featherless quill. Crabbe glanced at him and shrugged before making an exit. Malfoy looked over a Steph, willing his imagination to pick up from 'his hands' before he realised Dean had left Steph, and she sat by herself, unaware the library students had been filtering out. He picked up his books and dumped them on the table next to Steph, ducking a poorly aimed blow and sat himself next to her. She stopped writing and looked at him. He flashed her a smile.

"Sleep with me." He said.

"No." she said with trepidation.

"Yes." He said bluntly.

"No." she replied in the same flat tone, writing again. This went on for quite some time until she threw down her pen.

"Later!" she said, exasperated. He stopped in his tracks and openly gaped at her, his mouth hanging open. She reached over and closed his mouth with one finger. He stood up, and quickly pecked her on the cheek, received a slap to the face and left, his cheek stinging.


	2. Chapter 2 In Which Hermione and Ron Conf

**CHAPTER TWO: IN WHICH HERMIONE AND RON CONFESS**

_Author's note: This is an embarrassing chapter, but there was no other way I could get them together unless everyone was there..._

Rupert Grint and Daniel Radcliff sat on the end of the Gryffindor table, watching it fill itself up. Rupert groaned as he looked at the far end of the table, but smirked as he saw Ginny making out with Neville. Daniel was gloomily eating a bowl of weetbix with a spoon, obviously disliking the taste. He felt a tap on the shoulder, and gratefully turned away from the soggy mess. Ron stood behind him, glowering, in a very bad mood.

"See that old sod kissing my sister?" he spat. Daniel turned and squared himself with Ron, lest he look weak.

"Yeah, so what?" he said, immediately regretting it. Whack!

"That's my sister!" he yelled. "I don't care if you play my friend in the movies, I don't like you!" he said as he walked away. Rupert helped Daniel up, glaring at Ron's back.

"Very tactful!" said Rupert. "He probably came over here to tell you he was sorry for putting Madame Skavinski's Balding Cream on your head last year." Daniel put a hand on his head, covering a nearly unnoticeable bald patch covered by a clever comb over. Malfoy was on the floor laughing, food scattered all over the chair in front of him. Daniel sent over a fowl look. Daniel stood up as Stephanie walked past him. She dodged him with obvious distaste, and kept walking. As she passed Malfoy on her way out, he blew a kiss to her, and she sent off the middle finger.

Professor McGonagal screwed up her face, giving Hermione the impression of a dry, wrinkled old prune. They sat in Transfiguration, Neville trying hopelessly to turn his frog into a saucer. Ron had a fowl look on his face, and Hermione tried desperately to cheer him up. She nudged him, and he moved slightly over, making Hermione testy. She tried, and failed, until... She leaned over and kissed Ron on the cheek. He jumped up, and Scabbers went flying to the ground. His face went scarlet, and Hermione looked at him. He was unaware of the catcalls, and ran out of the classroom.

After Transfiguration ended (and a lecture from the professor) Hermione sought Ron out down by the Black Lake shore.

"You didn't have to do that!" he exclaimed as she came through the willows to the left of him.

"Yes, I did. And besides, I can't hide it any longer! I love you, Ron." She admitted. She realised it was not only to him she had admitted, but to herself as well.

"I had to hear you say it before I could" he said. "I realised a long time ago, but I didn't know how to tell you. I love you too, Hermione!" He hugged her, and she sighed. They kissed as the sun began to set.

A new week started as a newly engaged couple entered the Great Hall Monday morning. Ginny and Neville walked in, hand in hand with big smiles on their faces. On Ginny's left hand she wore a diamond ring, sparkling in every angle of light, and Neville wore a plain gold band with _I Love You_ engraved on the inside. A cheer went up from the Gryffindor table, and a mixture of hisses and jeers from the Slytherine table. Stephanie nudged Dean meaningfully, and he smiled vaguely. She sat down, crossed her legs and pouted. Malfoy, in turn imitated her, causing her to throw a knife at him, hitting him in the shoulder. Rupert stood up and grinned at Ron, who in turn flexed his 'muscles', ready to hit Rupert or Neville, whichever came close, and Daniel because he felt like it. A new student had come, Cho Chang had returned from her mysterious and unexplained absence, and Sam had come out of the hospital wing after a 'deadly dose of Polyjuice Potion'. He smiled at Cho before he joined Dean and Steph.

"Your back!" exclaimed Dean.

"What happened to you?" asked a curious Steph.

"Um, 'bad dose of Polyjuice Potion' if you get my meaning!" he said. In fact, he had used a love potion to get Cho Chang, but it backfired and she fell for him. Literally. When she saw him coming she would fall, and in the end she tripped him down the stairs. "What's going on?"

"Everything" said Steph. "Malfoy's after me ..." Dean turned and gaped at her.

You didn't tell me that! Why, I could have stopped him for you!" he said menacingly.

"I, um, kinda like it!" she mumbled. Sam laughed, but stopped as Dean hit him over the head.

"You what?" he exclaimed. "You like it? God, Stephanie..." she smiled.

"Payback!" she said simply.

"Fair enough, but be careful. He's cute, but not smart." warned Dean. Steph kissed him.

"I knew you wouldn't mind."


	3. Chapter 3 Sam and Cho Chang

**CHAPTER THREE – SAM AND CHO CHANG**

_Authors note: this is also another embarrassing chapter... Enjoy!_

Cho Chang walked down the dimly lit corridor, lugging a heavy bag behind her. She turned the corner, walking into a guilty looking Sam.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

"I was going to say the same to you." He said, surveying her with his brown eyes.

"I don't know, really. Just hanging I guess" She felt her face go red. "Listen, you didn't have to do that." She started.

"Do what?" he asked.

"The potion. It was sweet, and kinda hurt when I fell, and then I hurt you, but before that I had already fallen – hard." She looked down at her feet, feeling the blood as hot as molten rock run through her veins. Sam lifted her head, and she jumped as thunder rolled across the sky outside.

"Cold, isn't it?" she murmured, but he hushed her with a finger to the lips. The lights flickered, and she looked around startled. Sam moved closer, just as the light went out.

"Sam...?" she whispered. He grabbed hold of her forearms, and she felt his lips, his breath hot on her face, and she kissed him back, equally matching his ferocity.

The week passed, and winter grew colder, snow falling thickly throughout the school. Cloaks were pulled out, gloves and beanies were always misplaced, and white faces were seen peeking out from layers of material on the way to herbology. Malfoy walked down the hill, glancing every so often at a pink nosed Steph. He veered slightly to the left, and she kicked him in the shin when he came to close.

"Ow! What was that for?" he whined.

"Don't get too close!" she said. Malfoy glared at her and caught up with Crabbe. He whispered something, and Crabbe roared with laughter. Stephanie shrugged her shoulders, whispered something in Dean's ear, and Dean flew down the slope after Malfoy, who had seen him and threw his books to the ground, leaping off before Dean caught him. Stephanie giggled, and waited for Sam and Cho Chang, who were always late now. They walked up beside her and Steph looked at Cho's face, and then at Sam's face, and decided to tell Cho she shouldn't wear lipstick.

The next half hour passed slowly, with a bloody Malfoy looking at Steph, then at Dean who jumped a little to scare him. Malfoy managed to flinch every time, and Stephanie laughed. _The little rat!_ Thought Malfoy. _Just wait. I'll show him who Stephanie likes when I'm done with her... Just wait until I get my hands on her..._

Claire tiptoed into the old girls bathroom, closing the door behind her.

"Myrtle?" she called. She looked around, and heard a wet sucking noise.

"Yes?" came the long, high pitched call.

"It's Claire." She said. Myrtle came floating out of the third cubicle, hair dripping ghostly water.

"Can you do me a favor?" asked Claire.

"Yes, what is it?" Myrtle said abruptly.

"I need you to get Harry in here" said Claire. "I have a little, um, unfinished business."

Claire winked, and Myrtle laughed.

"I get you. I'll ask Peeves. Now go away, I have a diversion to create!" Myrtle shooed Claire out, and dived down the nearest toilet. Claire started laughing, and walked towards the Gryffindor common room.

Peeves glided in through the brick wall, scaring Claire who was doing her Potions homework.

"Clairey Beary waity in the bathroomy!" he chanted. She flung her books to the ground and skidded to a halt at the door, thanking Peeves, and fixing her hair. The Fat Lady was singing opera, and Claire interrupted, shouting the password, and running past the pouting painting. She reached the bathroom, and entered, but no-one was there. She sat down and waited. Myrtle popped up beside her.

"Peeves said for you to wait here. Harry will be coming in here shortly." Claire didn't know how Peeves would get Harry here, but she waited anyway.

Harry walked down the corridor, juggling his books. As he turned the corner, he walked straight through Peeves, and dropped his books.

"Poor Harry parry need some help off Peeves?" he asked slyly.

"No thanks." said a bewildered Harry.

"Sure you do!" said Peeves. He picked up Harry's potions book and hurled it at Harry, hitting him in the forehead.

"Peeves!" Harry bellowed. Peeves picked up the quill, and sent it into Harry's rear end, and proceeded to throw things at him. Harry, stunned, began running up the corridor, heading for the bathroom. He knew Peeves wouldn't go in there because Moaning Myrtle had a crush on him. He reached the door, and paused to see if Peeves had followed him. His suspicions were confirmed when Harry was hit in the head with the herbology 898 page book. He flew headfirst into the bathroom, straight into Claire.

"Harry!" she said, inching towards him.

"Er, hi Claire!" he said, a little self conscious. He backed away, trying to escape her.

"You know I have always liked you, right?" she asked.

"Er, yeah." He said uncertainty. He took another step backwards, and hit the wall. She stepped up to him, pressing her body against him.

"Well, this is cozy then!" she said. Harry drew a sharp breath as Claire fiddled with his pants.

"Er, Claire!" said Harry.

"Yes?" she looked at him, kissing him on the cheek. He looked behind her and saw Myrtle peeking behind one of the toilet doors.

"Myrtle!" hissed Claire impatiently. Myrtle's face went a different shade of pale ghost colour, Claire assuming her face went red.

"Go and chase Peeves." Claire eyed her, and Myrtle flew through the wall out into the corridor. Claire looked at Harry again, and licked her lips. Harry slipped out from the wall, and backed away towards the sink. He slipped, and landed flat on his back. Claire dived onto him with a laugh.

"And now for you!"


End file.
